Don’t Bait Me.
I don’t talk to friends regularly on the phone.
Some of them I might speak to once in a blue.
A quick hello
A conversation here and there.
Nothing deep.
Nothing consistent.
Life moves, everybody goes back to their own
world, and I’m perfectly fine with that.
Honestly, that’s probably the introvert in me.
But every now and then, you have one of those
conversations that makes you pause.
Everything is cool.
Until it isn’t.
Something gets said…
Really?
I keep listening.
Another comment comes out.
Oh, we doing this again?
And there it is.
That feeling.
I peep things without always addressing them.
I don’t have the energy to call somebody
out every time something doesn’t add up.
I listen.
Not because I don’t have anything to say.
I listen so I know how to move.
My response doesn’t always come out my mouth.
Sometimes my response is in my actions.
I can finish the conversation.
Say goodbye.
Go on about my day.
And move completely different afterward.
No argument needed.
Quiet doesn’t mean I didn’t notice it.
It means I didn’t think it
deserved a verbal response.
It’s the little comments for me.
Something said casually that
lands a little different.
Knowing just enough about something
while pretending you don’t really know anything.
Acting surprised about something
that clearly doesn’t sound new to you.
Come on now.
Don’t act like you don’t know
just to see what I’m going to tell you.
If you know something, you know.
If you heard something, you heard it.
But don’t come into a conversation
pretending you don’t know
just to see what I’m going to say.
Don’t bait me.
Maybe this one stood out to me a little more
because I feel like I just went through
something similar with somebody else.
Different person.
Different situation.
But here comes that familiar feeling again.
And I’m thinking…
You too?
Come on.
I just dealt with this.
Now here you come with the little comments.
The questions.
Acting like you don’t know just to see what I’ll say.
That’s when I start listening differently.
Not because I think everybody
is up to something.
I don’t.
But I know when a conversation
stops feeling genuine.
And once that happens,
questions start running through my mind.
Why are you asking?
Did you already hear something?
Are you trying to hear my side?
Do you want to see if I know?
Are you looking for something to carry back?
Who sent you?
Maybe nobody did.
I don’t know.
But that’s not even the part that matters.
The fact that I’m questioning your intentions
in the first place tells me something
about how I feel about the connection.
Because friendship shouldn’t have me
wondering what your real reason was for calling.
I don’t have time for that.
I’ve been a daughter.
A sister.
I’m a wife.
I’m a mother.
I’ve lived enough life to know when
something doesn’t sit right with me.
And I’ve lived enough to know I don’t have
to verbally respond to everything I notice.
There was a time when I might’ve
needed to ask questions.
might’ve wanted an explanation.
Today?
Not so much.
I pay attention.
And I move accordingly.
I don’t need fake people around me
just so I can say I have friends.
First of all…
That doesn’t make me feel good.
Honestly…
I’d rather be by myself, the introvert I am.
I don’t need daily phone calls.
I don’t need monthly check-ins.
We can speak once in a blue
and I’m perfectly fine.
But when we do talk…
be real with me.
That’s it.
You don’t have to support everything I do.
You don’t have to clap for everything I accomplish.
You don’t have to be interested
in everything happening in my life.
But don’t quietly keep up with what I’m doing
and then come around acting like
you haven’t seen or heard a thing.
Especially when your own words tell me otherwise.
That’s where you lose me.
Because now I’m looking at the
friendship differently.
Do you genuinely support me?
Or are you simply interested in
knowing what I have going on?
There’s a difference.
And sometimes we keep calling something a
friendship because there’s history attached to it.
I can appreciate history.
I can remember the good.
If you were there for me at a time when
I needed somebody, I’ll always give you that.
I don’t have to erase yesterday just because
I see things differently today.
But I also don’t owe yesterday my tomorrow.
That’s where I am with it.
I don’t need to expose anybody.
For what?
I don’t do things for show.
I don’t need to tell everybody what I peeped.
I don’t need to prove somebody lied.
I don’t need people choosing sides.
I do what’s better for my mental health.
Quietly.
That’s why I listen.
I listen so I know how to move.
And once I know how I need to move,
that’s usually enough for me.
No speech.
No warning.
No dramatic goodbye.
You’ll see my response in my actions.
Because I just went through
something similar with somebody else.
I learned what I needed to learn from that.
I’m not interested in learning the same lesson
again with a different person.
So if a conversation starts feeling
like you’re fishing…
No, thank you.
Go fish somewhere else.
Because some people want the information…
not the actual friendship.
And once I peep the difference…
I don’t need another conversation to confirm it.
Return to sender.
I’m learning that every response
doesn’t need words.
Sometimes the strongest response
is what changes after the conversation ends.
You said what you said.
I heard what I heard.
Now watch how I move.
This is your safe place.
You’re always welcomed here.
— Abi Brooklyn