You Don’t Like Me, So Why Are You Here?
I’ve never understood why somebody
would go out of their way to be around
a person they genuinely don’t like.
Especially when they have to pretend
otherwise just to get close to them.
They’ll smile in your face, make conversation,
and ask about your family, and act like
everything is good.
Meanwhile, the things they’ve said about you
behind closed doors tell a
completely different story.
So what exactly are you coming around for?
Because when I don’t like somebody,
I have no desire to be in their space.
I’m not looking for an invitation into their home.
I’m not asking questions about their personal life.
And I’m certainly not pretending
we have a relationship that doesn’t exist.
I can leave people alone,
especially when I know
their intentions are far from good.
Some people will hide how they really feel
about you because being honest would
cost them the access they still want.
Access to your home.
To your family.
The things you’re doing with your life.
And once they’re close enough to see
what’s going on, suddenly everybody else has
something to talk about.
This is so corny.
Imagine pretending to like somebody
just to stay involved in their business.
At what age do we stop doing this?
Because this isn’t something
that only happens among younger people.
There are grown adults,
well into their sixties, and up who still
can’t get it right.
They continue to involve themselves
in relationships where
their intentions aren’t genuine.
And the part that gets me is the effort.
The birthday wishes.
Christmas gifts.
The visits.
Conversations.
All of that fake shit just to remain connected
to somebody you don’t even care for.
Wouldn’t it be easier to mind your business?
Some people seem more interested in having
access to somebody’s life just to
know what happening inside their home.
Who’s coming around.
What decisions are being made.
Whats going on with their finances.
Just being damn nosy.
They do all of this to carry back news.
And we be knowing better.
You saw the behavior early on.
You picked up on the fake shit
and recognized that the apology
didn’t come from a good place.
You knew it but chose not to carry it around.
You kept things cordial.
Maybe there was a relationship your spouse
wanted to maintain, and out of respect
for your marriage, you tried to make room for it.
You weren’t suddenly best friends.
You were simply being an adult.
And I think that’s something
people tend to misunderstand.
Being cordial doesn’t mean somebody
has earned your trust again.
It doesn’t mean you forgot what happened.
Some of us grew up around narcissists behavior.
We learned early what intentional hurt looks like,
especially when it comes from someone
who was supposed to love and protect us.
You learn to recognize certain patterns.
I don’t need somebody to show their
ass ten different times before
I understand what I’m dealing with.
Once is enough for me.
I can’t unsee what you deliberately showed me.
And that’s why being allowed back into
somebody’s presence should never be
confused with being trust again.
That’s also why everybody doesn’t need to be
welcomed into your personal space.
A home is personal.
Home is a safe place.
It’s where people spend time with their families,
have private conversations, make plans,
and enjoy the things they’ve worked for.
Miserable people don’t like to
see other people at peace.
You don’t need to argue.
You don’t need to talk to them.
You don’t need to pretend.
There’s nothing wrong with that.
What’s wrong is disliking somebody while
insisting on remaining involved in
everything they do.
Nobody is entitled to be in your space.
And nobody should have to pretend
they’re comfortable with someone
just to avoid offending them.
If they don’t like you, that’s fine.
The feeling is mutual.
It is what it is.
Good people recognize
good people.
And they recognize the ones who aren’t.
Stop giving people a seat at your table
when you already know
they’re talking shit about you
the minute they leave it.
This is your safe space.
You’re always welcome here.
— Abi Brooklyn