The Words I Waited to Hear

I can’t remember her ever looking me in the eyes and saying, “I’m sorry,” and meaning it.

Maybe she did once.

Maybe she didn’t.

What I remember more than anything is the silence.

The excuses.

The blame.

The way every conversation somehow found its way back to being someone else’s fault.

When you’re young, you don’t always understand what that does to your mental health.

You just learn to carry it.

You begin questioning your own memories because no one acknowledges what happened.

You wonder if you’re too sensitive because that’s what you’ve been made to believe.

You spend years searching for an apology that never comes.

As I got older, I realized an apology isn’t just two words.

It’s accountability.

It’s someone saying, I recognize that I hurt you.

Without accountability, something inside you keeps waiting.

Waiting to be understood.

Waiting to be believed.

Waiting for someone to care enough to admit the truth.

Mental health isn’t shaped only by what people do to us.

Sometimes it’s shaped by what they refuse to do.

The conversations they avoid.

The pain they dismiss.

The apologies they withhold because protecting their image matters more than repairing the relationship.

For years, I believed if I explained my pain the right way, maybe she would finally understand.

Maybe she’d admit it.

Maybe she’d care.

But some people can’t apologize because an apology would require them to face themselves.

That’s a burden only they can choose to carry.

Healing began the day I stopped waiting.

Not because what happened stopped hurting.

Not because I suddenly got over it.

But because I realized my mental health couldn’t depend on someone’s else’s willingness to tell the truth.

Some of us spend years waiting for words that may never be spoken.

The hardest part of healing is accepting that some people will go their entire lives without taking responsibility for the pain they caused.

Your healing can’t depend on someone’s else’s willingness who refuses to acknowledge your hurt.

The healthiest part of healing is no longer needing someone’s else’s accountability to validate your own reality.

If this resonated with you, I hope you leave here knowing one thing: your experiences are real, your feelings are valid, and I see you.

— Abi Brooklyn