Sometimes You Have to Love Yourself More

One of the hardest truths I’ve had to accept is that not every family member has good intentions.

We’re taught that family is everything. That no matter what happens, you forgive, you keep showing up, and you keep trying. But what happens when the very people who should want the best for you become the source of your stress, your anxiety, and your heartbreak?

The healthiest response is no response.

Fall Back!!!!

Sometimes your fallbacks aren’t fear.

It’s necessary.

Every time I thought things were getting better, something reminded me why I had stepped away in the first place. The conversations never reflected growth. The excuses were childish. There were never any real apologies, no accountability, just the same old patterns.

I’ve heard stories that still break my heart. A parent calling Child Protective Services on their own child after an argument. Not because a child was in danger, but because they wanted control. A parent secretly calling the police, making false reports, or doing whatever they could to make their own child’s life harder. A parent spreading lies to destroy their child’s character instead of protecting it .

They take advantage of a system meant to protect children in real danger and use it as a weapon against their own family.

No child deserves that.

No adult deserves that either.

The saddest part is that so many of us still try.

We keep forgiving.

We keep hoping.

Not because the relationship is healthy, but because there’s still a part of us hoping to receive the love we should have been given from the beginning.

Some people only know how to have relationships when they’re benefiting from them. The moment you stop accepting the behavior, stop explaining yourself, or stop allowing them to control your life, you become the problem.

Suddenly you’re all these bad things.

Your character becomes the conversation because they can no longer benefit from you.

I’ve also noticed that bitter, narcissistic people rarely move on.

They’ll gossip with people you no longer associate with. They’ll bring your name into conversations you left behind years ago. They’ll try to gather information about your life because, somehow, talking about you gives them something to do.

Healthy people don’t live like that.

People who have moved on in life, and are happy don’t spend their time trying to make someone else’s life miserable. They don’t wake up wondering who they can call, what rumor they can spread, or what problem they can create. They focus on their own home, their own healing, and their own life.

Imagine lying on someone while still expecting access to them. Make it make sense.

How can you speak on situations you weren’t even there to witness and call it facts?

As a mother, I can’t imagine doing any of those things.

I could never sit with someone who had ill intentions towards my children and give them information they could use against them. I could never make my child the topic of conversation just to entertain bitterness. My responsibility is to protect my children, pray for them, stand by them, and love them, even when life gets hard.

That’s what being a parent means to me.

Mental health is real, and not every wound is visible. Some people look completely normal on the outside while carrying so much bitterness, resentment, and unresolved pain that spills into every relationship they touch. Instead of healing, they choose to hurt. Instead of growing, they choose control. Instead of taking responsibility, they look for someone else to blame.

I don’t hate anyone.

I simply reached a place where I loved my peace more than I loved repeating the same cycle.

If you’re reading this and you’ve struggled with creating distance from family, I want you to know you’re not alone.

Walking away doesn’t mean you’re weak.

Sometimes it’s needed.

Sometimes the strongest boundary isn’t anger.

Its distance.

People who spend time attacking your character, gossiping about your life, or looking for ways to make your life harder aren’t embarrassing you.

They’re embarrassing themselves.

You don’t have to expose them.

You don’t have to argue with them.

You don’t have to defend yourself.

Choose to keep living your life, protecting your peace, and leaving people exactly where their actions placed them.

If this journal found you at the right time, I hope it reminds you that you’re not alone.

This is a your safe place, and you’re always welcomed here.

— Abi Brooklyn