The Reality Behind a Narcissist

This might make some people uncomfortable.

But it needs to be said.

I’ve lived around this behavior my whole life.

For years, I didn’t have a name for it.

I just thought,

“That’s just the way they are.”

Wow…

It all makes sense now.

The behavior is a pattern.

A sickening pattern.

When someone no longer has access to you, they don’t always let you go.

Sometimes they try to gain access through other people.

If they can’t get to you directly, they start talking about you.

Your marriage becomes the conversation.

Your spouse becomes the conversation.

Your children become the conversation.

They’ll build a whole story around your life without ever living a single day in it.

Then they’ll repeat it with so much confidence that the people who already don’t like you run with it.

And that’s the part I can’t wrap my head around.

Even if you don’t like me…

How are you comfortable sitting there while someone disgraces their own child?

How are you comfortable listening while they try to tear down homes?

How are you comfortable listening while they speak on their grandchildren?

How does that not make you stop and think,

“If they’ll do this to their own family, what makes you think they wouldn’t do it to you?

Instead…

People sit there.

They entertain it.

And somehow that becomes enough.

They really believe they know your life.

I’ve never been that person.

If I don’t like you, I don’t want to be around you.

The enemy doesn’t always come looking like the enemy.

Sometimes they show up smiling.

Wanting to be around you and your family.

Your life.

Not because they genuinely care.

Not at all.

But because they’re looking for something to carry back.

That’s why everybody doesn’t need access to your life anymore.

Everybody doesn’t need to know what’s happening in your home.

Everybody doesn’t deserve to know what you and your spouse are building together.

Everybody doesn’t need access to your children.

Some doors are closed for a reason.

I accepted a long time ago that people are content living the same cycle year after year.

The gossip.

The confusion.

It’s always about pulling someone else down.

The need to control a story they were never part of.

You can’t spend your life obsessed with someone else’s life and expect your own to grow.

There’s no room for growth when all your energy is spent watching someone else.

Maybe that’s why some people stay stuck.

They’re too busy counting someone else’s blessings instead of building their own.

Funny how life works.

Everything that was spoken over you.

Everything people may have expected to happen.

Everything they thought would break you.

It didn’t.

You and your spouse have a bond.

Your children are growing up knowing they’re safe.

They hear”I love you.”

They hear “I’m proud of you.”

They know they can come to you and/or your spouse with the truth without being afraid of being shamed for it.

We’re not a perfect family.

But we’re a family that chooses each other.

Every single day.

And maybe that’s the part some people can’t understand.

Your life continued without them.

Your marriage is still standing.

The negativity spoken over your life never became your future.

People are going to believe whatever they choose to believe.

But you chose peace.

Don’t explain yourself to people who already made up their minds about you.

Your life isn’t up for debate.

Your character isn’t determined by gossip.

And your family isn’t defined by stories created by people who no longer have a place in it.

Some people will spend their whole lives trying to get back into rooms they no longer belong in.

Meanwhile…

You’re too busy building a life they can only talk about.

— Abi Brooklyn